At first sight the tall, stooped figure with the hawk-like features and bloodless cheeks, the look of extreme gravitas , seems forbidding and austere, the abbot of an ascetic order, scion of an imperial family who has foresworn the world.
-- John Lehmann, "T.S. Eliot Talks About Himself and the Drive to Create", New York Times , November 9, 1953
Gravitas is not something I do well. I actually can't think of a single situation in which I could have been described as having gravitas. I chose the quote above because it is pretty much the exact opposite of me. I am the person who gets silly in church, I make jokes about terrible things, and I laughed hysterically at the part in Meet Joe Black when he gets hit by the car. Watch it, it's hilarious.
Gravitas has tried to come into my life through various tragedies, but it never gets in all the way. I am no T.S. Eliot, that's for sure, but did take it upon myself to create a list of semi-serious things I have learned during my time in Colorado. Don't take it with too much gravitas:
1. Never, ever, under any circumstances ignore the decree of a Texan.
2. News of a death makes eating impossible, especially if it is a suicide.
3a. Don’t slam your brakes on black ice.
3b. Don’t love a car too much.
4. Casinos always win.
5. Some people will blame you, even if they don’t know it, for the death of a loved one if you are the one to tell them they have a phone call from a hospital in Florida.
6. Most people in Colorado are too busy planning their next ice-climb, kayaking trip, paragliding party, road bike ride, trail run, snow shoeing getaway, or extreme boulder-hopping expedition to treat lowly retail workers with basic respect.
7. Leisure driving is not possible in Colorado.
8. The sky is bluer here.
9. Rattlesnakes are very numerous in Colorado. I have never seen one and I thank God for it every day.
10. A “Phil Collins” is one of the most delicious drinks you can make. A close second would be Absolut Pears with Sprite and a twist of lime.
11. Good friends get even better with age.
12. Parents age before your eyes when you don’t see them for months at a time.
13. Riding a bike in a non-serious way is so much fun!
14. Snowboarding hurts. I have experienced more injuries and pain snowboarding than I have my entire life. It is possible for a ski to stab you in the back.
15. Stress makes you gain weight and lose yourself.
16. Yoga is the best thing in the universe.
17. A certain Pink Floyd cover band is as close as I will ever come to seeing Pink Floyd live. Is it bad that Savage Henry is actually better than Pink Floyd?
18. Discovering new music is food for my soul.
19. It is possible to miss people so much that you completely turn off the pain. When you see them again it hurts worse than you could have ever imagined.
20. Being in the mountains changes you. Once you see them you are never the same.
21. Camping in Colorado takes on an element of danger that is disconcerting and thrilling at the same time. Bears, rattlesnakes, need I say more?
22. When you are making a cross-country move, stay in constant contact with the people you will be renting an apartment from. If you don’t, you will get the wrong apartment.
23. Indian blankets can have bad mojo, buy with caution. If you suspect anything, get rid of it, your happiness may depend on it.
24. When you don’t see your friends and family very often pictures mean A LOT.
25. Try not to dwell on the past. A period in your life may seem like it was a sort of “Golden Age”, but that doesn’t mean that the future won’t contain another great time in your life. If you are going to dwell on the past, the least you can do is write about it.
Well, that is the extent of my gravitas. It's almost noon... time for a Phil Collins!
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