eschew \ es-CHOO \ , transitive verb; 1. To shun; to avoid (as something wrong or distasteful).

In high school and college the Vassar women had enjoyed that lifestyle, but afterward they had eschewed  it as shallow.

-- Nina Burleigh, A Very Private Woman

 The question is not "what am I avoiding?" but "what am I NOT avoiding?" - this might lead to a list, a long one, so brace yourself.

My list of "eschews" (Gesundheit!)                                                                                                                   

1. Teaching - I can spout off about a hundred reasons why I am not teaching right now, but it all boils down to the fact that the thought of being in my own classroom makes me feel like my small intestines are slowly being pulled out with rusty razor wire. I apologize for the grossness. I took last year way too personally and it took just about everything I had to not jump off my third story balcony. Just maybe, teaching isn't for me.             

2. Organization - Anyone who has known me for more than 10 minutes knows that I am not a neat freak. In fact, I have an almost allergic reaction to cleaning. My kitchen stays relatively clean and I actually enjoy cleaning the floors, but I am having a difficult time getting organized. I watch the "Hoarders" show and am appalled at the people who decide that they have to keep all of the used shampoo bottles and used Q-tips or the terrorists win, but am I just a rubber band or a coupon away from that? I save things for good reasons (spoken like a true hoarder) but I am terrible at keeping said things organized and uncluttered. I was in Indianapolis recently for 13 days and in that 13 days my husband who works full time was able to do more organizing than I have been able to do in 8 months of being a "housewife". I'm getting a message from the future....Tonight on 9News "Denver woman crushed by towering pile of craft supplies." "If only she hadn't saved so many gift bags, maybe we could have gotten to her in time...."

3. Communication - I am a cancer and a crab by nature. I like to stay in my shell and not be bothered...Except when I'm lonely, or bored, or feel the overwhelming obligation to make sure I maintain at least the minimum acceptable amount of communication with family, friends and acquaintances. Wow, bitchy. I love my family and I love my friends but there are only a select few people I  can have a phone conversation with that doesn't make me anxious and sweaty. Wow, gross. I know a lot of people and I worry pretty much constantly that I am neglecting someone. I really enjoy email and Facebook communication and Skype has been great, but there are certain people that you just have to call. The hairs on the back of my neck will start to tingle and I'll start to hear a slight whispering on the wind... Carrie's an asshole...asshole...asshole... I know it's probably mostly paranoia, but I still feel guilty. 

Okay, so I've mentioned suicide, hoarding, paranoia, and hermetic tendencies... not looking good for me. I am still a fun person, believe it or not, I just need to be okay with my eschewing for now and move forward. My other blog was so much less depressing. 

If you need a palate cleanser after this go to itsafamilyaffair.blogspot.com