bumptious \ BUMP-shuhs \ , adjective; 1. Crudely, presumptuously, or loudly self-assertive.

Still a tremendous singer and a man so confident of his own sex appeal that he could make the most outrageously bumptious  behaviour seem not only engaging but also entirely natural.

-- David Sinclair, "Larger than life and twice as rocky", Times  (London), March 13, 2000

 

Ha! I love this word! It sounds like the title of a Beyonce song or a compliment you would get from a creepy guy on the street. "Damn giirrrrrl, you lookin' bumptious today! You got any change?" 

We have all been a little bumptious from time to time, typically after indulging in a few frosty ones, but aren't some of those times actually when we are at our absolute best? I'm not saying that we should always live our lives by that little nasty id of ours... it's just that sometimes if you can let go and follow that little imp inside you, and say or do whatever it whispers lasciviously into your ear, 9 times out of 10 you are going to have a memorable experience.

 

Now, whether or not that memorable experience leads to a night in the slammer, well, I guess that's the chance you take. So, next time you get cut in line by that obnoxious lady on her Bluetooth, who acts like you don't exist, call her out on it. If you feel like you got terrible service by a waiter that acted like they were too good to serve you and your thirsty comrades, AND gave you a ridiculously diminutive amount of whipped cream on your blowjob shot, draw the crude shape of your choice where the tip should go. Write an email or send a tweet to the blowhard tweeter on TV that is spouting hateful garbage to those less fortunate in the brains department. If you ever meet a Kardashian, slap them in the face with on open palm. Unless it's Khloe of course, her face is already busted, OHHHHH! 

Okay maybe I'm getting a little too bumptious... wait no, there's more... and when you feel like you want to have a beer an a Tuesday at 2:30 in the afternoon, have that beer damn it (as long as it isn't every Tuesday). And if you feel like you just need a break from your life and everyone in it, then take it. 

Alright, I think I'm good now. I'm feelin' Bumptious and Bootylicious, and I'm going to the grocery store. Watch out Bluetooth lady, you're going down.